‘Anak, Bakla Ako’: Parents Openly Embracing Their LGBTQ+ Children
When Jason finally mustered the courage to tell his mom, “Ma… bakla ako,” those words felt heavier than two decades of his life. He had rehearsed this moment countless times, quietly repeating the phrase during jeepney rides, practicing in front of his bathroom mirror, and praying to every santo on the family altar that she wouldn’t turn her back on him.
She didn’t turn away, but a heavy silence filled the air.
For many Filipino LGBTQ+ youth, this kind of silence can be more daunting than outright rejection. In a culture where family bonds are critical, a parent’s reaction to their child coming out can significantly influence not only their self-esteem but also their mental health and future aspirations. Research on Filipino parents of LGBTQIA+ youth indicates that while initial reactions may range from shock and denial to quiet acceptance, many families eventually move towards embracing their children upon realizing the immense importance of their support for their child’s well-being[1].
Transforming Silence into Proud Support
Changing longstanding beliefs isn’t easy. For parents raised to believe that being LGBTQ+ is sinful or shameful, their child’s coming out can feel like a clash between love and doctrine. However, studies on Filipino LGBTQ+ individuals deeply rooted in faith show that religion can both amplify the pain of rejection or, in some instances, become a surprising path to reconciliation when love is prioritized[2].
The key often lies in parents choosing curiosity over fear.
Guides on positive parenting for LGBTQIA+ children in the Philippines advocate for simple yet profound actions: listening without interruption, asking what names or pronouns your child prefers, standing up against hurtful remarks from relatives, and most importantly, ensuring your love is unconditional[3]. While these may not seem like grand gestures, to a queer child, they can be life-changing.
Public Learning and Audible Love
Parents of LGBTQ+ and particularly transgender children globally often share a similar path: initial confusion, grieving for lost expectations, and then a determined shift towards celebrating their child’s happiness. Access to accurate information, connecting with other parents, and witnessing their child thrive facilitates this journey from quiet tolerance to active, vocal support[4].
Filipino mothers of gay and lesbian children have shared that while the first “Anak, bakla ako” might challenge deep-seated beliefs, many choose to stand by their children, offering comfort in times of hurt, affirming their identity, and facing social backlash together[5]. Acceptance doesn’t erase struggles, but it rewrites the story’s ending.
For Jason’s mother, the turning point came a few weeks after that quiet evening. She knocked on his door, sat beside him, and said, “I’ve been reading about LGBTQ+ issues… Anak, I worry for you, but I’m more afraid of you facing this alone.” Then, she did something both simple and profound: she held his hand and asked, “How can I support you?”
Loving your LGBTQ+ child out loud doesn’t always mean waving a rainbow flag at Pride parades. Sometimes, it’s a mother in the province telling the barangay captain to stop making jokes about her trans daughter. Or a father silently correcting a priest mid-sermon simply by sitting beside his son. It’s a parent saying, “Anak, bakla ka. Anak kita. I am proud of both.”
